Warning: This is extremely disgusting.



This guy looks normal, doesn't he? His name is Armin Meiwes, and he was just convicted in Germany of manslaughter for eating and killing another man. That's bad enough, but it gets worse: "Meiwes recalled how he began the killing by cutting off the victim's penis at the victim's request, how they fried it in a pan and tried but failed to eat it."

The other guy was still alive and he cut off his dick and tried to feed it to him! EW!! Pardon me, I have to go barf. SICK!

CNN

CNN reports that some Bowflexes are being recalled due to "safety problems that have resulted in more than 70 injuries". Oh, but they always looked so sturdy! I never feared one of those cables snapping and poking my eye out.

The lesson here: Don't exercise. I learned that lesson long ago, and I'll have you know that although I am 40 pounds overweight, I still have both of my eyes.

CNN

It seems CBS learned their little Michael Jackson media tango from the big boys at NBC. Loyal readers may remember our piece on CBS effectively paying Michael Jackson for an interview over the holidays. Last February, NBC pulled a similar stunt. After the Martin Bashir documentary there was a bidding war between the networks for an interview with Jackson. NBC told Jackson that if he agreed to an interview, in addition to receiving $5 million for the rights to the footage, a 1 hour Dateline special entitled "Michael Jackson, Unmasked" would be cancelled. And, what's worse, they made the offer in writing. NBC, let Standard Deviance give you a piece of advice: Never, ever, do anything unethical in writing! It is very difficult to argue with a memo that includes the name of the president of the network. Tsk tsk, we thought NBC was craftier than this.

These Michael Jackson media scandals seem quite similar to the dilemmas found in Lord of the Rings. An interview with Michael Jackson is like having the ring of power, but it is an evil power. Just as Boromir and Faramir get CRAZY trying to get that ring from Frodo, these networks seem to be losing their knowledge of what is right or wrong in their quest to get the interview. Elijah Wood should take Michael Jackson and throw him into the fires of Mordor so we can all be spared these scandals.

New York Times

Yesterday I posted an unofficial picture of Saddam Hussein at the time of his capture. I learned of these pictures from a CNN.com article. Yesterday afternoon, the pictures on my blog stopped working. It appears that the pictures in my MSN group have all been deleted (they have red Xs in the pictures). Other MSN groups seem to be working fine, however. Many of the sources of the Saddam pictures on the internet seem to have been deleted, including the CNN article I cited yesterday.

You can think what you like, but it seems quite odd to me that my pictures were deleted shortly after I added the Saddam picture, and that now the CNN article that reported them is no where to be found. Has the government actually turned their fiery gaze on to little old Standard Deviance? Hmmm...

I will try and repost the other pictures quickly. But I think I'll be laying off the Saddam pictures for a while.

Unofficial photos of Saddam floating around the internet.

CNN

Progress Media is planning to launch a radio network with Al Franken, of "Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them" fame, as their main host. He will occupy the 12-3pm slot, which will directly challenge Rush Limbaugh's show, airing at the same time. Man, I've been waiting for this. It seems that people have only been shooting back at Fox News and the like via books (with the exception of Jon Stewart and The Daily Show). This is going to be fun!

CNN

Apparently there is a scandal involving 60 Minutes and their interview of Michael Jackson. Ed Bradly interviewed Jackson on December 28th, and Jackson performed in an entertainment special on January 2nd. Apparently the special had been taped some time ago but was not going to be aired because of the molestation charges. CBS told Jackson that they wouldn't air it unless he agreed to an interview, and unless the special was aired he would not be paid. Thus interview=cash. 60 Minutes claims that they knew nothing about this arrangement, but even the hint of it makes me sad. I thought I could count on 60 Minutes. Next thing you know Lesley Stahl will be go-go dancing in the intro.

Is nothing sacred?

According to our friends at CNN, the country's terror alert level will be lowered from Orange to Yellow later today. Thank God. Since the alert level was raised to Orange, I've been avoiding high-risk areas like the subway, Wall Street, the Brooklyn Bridge, etc. Wait, wasn't I on the Brooklyn Bridge on New Years Eve? Hold on, don't I work on Wall Street and travel there via the 2-3 train? Heck, are you telling me that these alerts have no practical significance? Well, at least I won't have to see that damn orange bar on the cable news anymore. Yellow is a much prettier color.

CNN

Apparently this story of the sad blogger who got fired for his blog is spreading all over the country. Boston.com reported the story today. However, I think everyone is getting a little over-zealous with this firing fear. Notice these key facts about the guy who got fired:

a) he was blogging about his job
b) he posted internal company information
c) he posted a photograph of a loading dock at his work.

Duh, of course you're going to get fired. I think the key to not getting fired for your blog is to not blog about your job. I don't know why you would want to do that anyway. My whole reason for blogging is to force myself to think about things other than my job.

But I am keeping Blogger's article on how not to get fired on hand in case of emergency.

How Not to get Fired Because of Your Blog

The Washington Cow diagnosed with Mad Cow, or Crazy Daisy as I like to call her, has been definitively traced via DNA evidence to a farm in Alberta, Canada. Score: USA 1, Whipping Boys 0.

New York Times

The Canadians are fighting back. The New York Times reported today that Canadian cow farmers are peeved with the US's attempt to blame Mad Cow on them. Bill Brownstein of the Montreal Gazette summed up the situation perfectly: " 'And now it appears that their mad cow came from Canada,' Mr. Brownstein wrote. 'There is no respite. Or respect. We have become their whipping-boy, their 98-pound weakling.' But, he continued, 'We are entirely blameless in the matter of Michael Jackson.' "
I don't know what's funnier - that the Canadians admit that they are a 98 pound weakling, or that Mr. Brownstein actually managed to include Jacko in an article about Mad Cow. O Can-a-da!

Whipping Boys talk Cows

On Tuesday, the INS conducted its Diversity Lottery (also known as the Green Card Lottery). The purpose of this lottery is to increase diversity in the United States by randomly selecting entrants to receive Green Cards. This year, the INS instituted a new electronic application where entrants must enter their information on-line and submit a digital photograph of themselves. This should make the lottery much more efficient and reduce errors. And I'm sure all the villagers in Central Africa have internet-ready iBooks hooked up in their thatched huts. Right next to the hole in the ground they use for a toilet.

New York Times

The Central Artery (or, as us massholes like to call it, Ahtery) is finally coming down in the last step of the Big Dig. Now tourists will easily be able to wander from their Abercrombie and Fitch shopping trips in Quincy Market over to the North End to see Paul Revere's house. For Bostonians, this is like the Berlin Wall coming down. Except without the communism. And the upheaval of world politics. Okay, maybe its nothing like the Berlin Wall coming down, but at least now I can get a cannoli without breathing in truck exhaust.

Beantown Back Together Again

It seems these days that every time something happens that the government doesn't like, they blame Canada. The Blackout - the Canadians supposedly did that. And now with the Mad Cow, it must be a Canadian cow. Forget North Korea, I think we may be getting an angry visit from the Canucks if we keep blaming them for everything bad that happens north of the Mason-Dixon line.

Blackout
Mad Cow (or as they call it in Germany, Cow Madness)

You thought you had all the alerts straight: Amber Alert, Orange Alert, Nerd Alert. But now, those crafty fellas at the Federal Bureau of Investigation have come up with another one: Almanac Alert!!

The FBI has informed police departments all over the nation to watch out for individuals carrying Almanacs, especially ones "annotated in suspicious ways", says Newsday. Well, it looks like my cousin Douglas is in a world of trouble. My mother, or Aunt Al-Qaida as we like to call her, gave the 14 year-old an Almanac for Christmas. With Douglas equipped with information such as how much a llama weighs, no one is safe. And I am fairly sure I saw him write his name in it. Suspicious annotation!!

Newsday