Krispy Kreme Earnings Rise 45 Percent [Reuters]
Obesity on track as No. 1 killer [USA Today]

Opening day at Fenway Park this year falls on a Friday during Lent, to the chagrin of many baseball-loving Boston Catholics. Catholics attending the game have asked for special dispensation from the Archdiocese to eat meat in the form of Fenway Franks, but they have been turned down. In past years the previous Cardinal, Cardinal Law, gave permission for Catholics to eat meat when St. Patrick's Day has fallen on a Friday.

Cardinal O'Malley is new to town, but he should know that Catholicism is Boston's second largest religion only following Baseball. Standard Deviance believes it is a SIN to go to Fenway Park on opening day and not eat a Fenway Frank. It is true, Cardinal Law did not have an illustrious career in the Boston Archdiocese, but at least he understood that there are two things more important in Boston than Lent: Opening Day and St. Patrick's Day. What next, will O'Malley say it is a mortal sin to run guns for the IRA? If he keeps this up he might face the wrath of a Kennedy.

Church Nixes Good Friday Fenway Hot Dogs [AP]
Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Boston

Standard Deviance has been following the media scandals surrounding Michael Jackson, CBS, and NBC. It seems that even before the scandal of CBS paying for an interview tarnished 60 Minute's and Ed Bradly's reputations, Jackson screwed Bradly over the much jockeyed-over over February interview. Following Martin Bashir's documentary there was a bidding war between the networks over an interview with Jackson. You may remember that NBC offered Jacko $5 million for the rights to the footage and said that if he interviewed with them, Dateline would not air a special entitled "Michael Jackson, Unmasked".

According to Ed Bradly in an interview on Larry King Live, 60 Minutes had the inside track on the February interview and was even set up to have the interview at Neverland. While Jackson was upstairs getting ready, Marlon Brando called and informed him that the sealed documents from the original child molestation case had been released on the internet and was going to be all over the tabloids the next day. The Smoking Gun announced yesterday that they were the internet source. Jackson never came back for the interview. He just "disappeared".

Bradly also spoke about the holiday interview scandal. He said that there was never a quid pro quo for the interview and the special. He said that while CBS would never tell Jackson that they would pay him more for the special if he did the interview, they did say that they wouldn't air the special unless he did an interview.

I'm sorry, but that still sounds like shady dealings to me. The only way CBS can claim no fault is to say that the interview had no connection to the special, although perhaps Ed Bradly can absolve himself since he personally had no power over whether the special aired. Seriously, all these journalists should just stay away from Michael Jackson interviews. Trying to get one of those requires signing a deal with the devil, and does Ed Bradly really want his wife to have to give birth to the Devil's spawn just to advance his own career? I think not.

Transcript of Larry King's Ed Bradly Interview
The Smoking Gun's copy of the Declaration

Related Posts:
Does No One Have Integrity Anymore?
More Michael Jackson Media Scandals

In their quest to make French life secular, the French parliament is discussing whether to ban the wearing of "religious items" to schools. These items may include headscarves, skullcaps, large crosses, turbans and bandanas. It has even been suggested that beards could be banned if they are worn for religious reasons.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but in Genesis, Adam and Eve lived blissfully ignorant and naked until the Serpent convinced Eve to eat from the Tree of Knowledge. Once she did, she and Adam realized that they were naked and thus they clothed themselves. So for Christians and Jews, the simple wearing of clothes cold be considered a religious act, and the clothes themselves could be banned.

Don't get me wrong, Standard Deviance is all for nudity, but most high-school boys have enough trouble concentrating when the girls around them are clothed. Plus the French fashion industry would take a huge hit.

BBC

Once again, Europe is the sad big brother whose little brother's achievements have far surpassed his own and thus now spends half his time smoking and swearing at the little brother and the other half of his time trying to catch up. The European Space Agency has announced that they will put a man on mars between 2030 and 2035.



However, an authority on the subject has voiced his concerns. Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise stated that he "would like to see us get this place right first before we have the arrogance to put significantly flawed civilisations out onto other planets." He then went on to point out that the Federation did not establish a colony on Mars until 2203 which was 42 years after the founding of the Federation, and given that Earth in the year 2004 yet to even establish contact with other planets, never mind form a union of Federation caliber, the mission must be aborted. However he did note that the Klingons should be consulted as they have much knowledge in the colonization of planets.

Related Post:
2004: A Space Odyssey

A "suspicious substance" was found in the mailroom of majority leader Senator Bill Frist yesterday. Initial tests show the powder tested positive for Ricin, a toxic substance. Ricin's ill effects are felt when it is ingested, injected, or inhaled. However, skin contact poses little risk.

Now, I know they do things differently in those terrorist training camps, but here in the United States we generally do not eat our mail. Not only would that not be very tasty, but that may even be classified as tampering with mail, which is a federal offense. I hate to see terrorists waste their valuable time and money on attacks that, because of U.S. cultural norms, will only be in vain.

New York Times

Warning: This is extremely disgusting.



This guy looks normal, doesn't he? His name is Armin Meiwes, and he was just convicted in Germany of manslaughter for eating and killing another man. That's bad enough, but it gets worse: "Meiwes recalled how he began the killing by cutting off the victim's penis at the victim's request, how they fried it in a pan and tried but failed to eat it."

The other guy was still alive and he cut off his dick and tried to feed it to him! EW!! Pardon me, I have to go barf. SICK!

CNN

CNN reports that some Bowflexes are being recalled due to "safety problems that have resulted in more than 70 injuries". Oh, but they always looked so sturdy! I never feared one of those cables snapping and poking my eye out.

The lesson here: Don't exercise. I learned that lesson long ago, and I'll have you know that although I am 40 pounds overweight, I still have both of my eyes.

CNN

It seems CBS learned their little Michael Jackson media tango from the big boys at NBC. Loyal readers may remember our piece on CBS effectively paying Michael Jackson for an interview over the holidays. Last February, NBC pulled a similar stunt. After the Martin Bashir documentary there was a bidding war between the networks for an interview with Jackson. NBC told Jackson that if he agreed to an interview, in addition to receiving $5 million for the rights to the footage, a 1 hour Dateline special entitled "Michael Jackson, Unmasked" would be cancelled. And, what's worse, they made the offer in writing. NBC, let Standard Deviance give you a piece of advice: Never, ever, do anything unethical in writing! It is very difficult to argue with a memo that includes the name of the president of the network. Tsk tsk, we thought NBC was craftier than this.

These Michael Jackson media scandals seem quite similar to the dilemmas found in Lord of the Rings. An interview with Michael Jackson is like having the ring of power, but it is an evil power. Just as Boromir and Faramir get CRAZY trying to get that ring from Frodo, these networks seem to be losing their knowledge of what is right or wrong in their quest to get the interview. Elijah Wood should take Michael Jackson and throw him into the fires of Mordor so we can all be spared these scandals.

New York Times